Labor & Delivery

Labor & Delivery

Simultaneously, the most vulnerable & empowered I’ve ever felt.

Vulnerable because I have a fear of hospitals & needles, and a tendency to pass-out from anxiety. Vulnerable because I’d never given birth & didn’t know what to expect from the nurses, from my husband, or from myself. Vulnerable because my body was doing things (such as my water breaking & contractions) that weren’t under my control. Vulnerable because Western civilization is more comfortable inducing & medicating labor than awaiting its natural progression, yet I wanted an unmedicated natural birth without even knowing what exactly that involves. Vulnerable because I’d been self-quarantined at home for over two months due to a worldwide pandemic & was suddenly in contact with dozens of healthcare personnel touching every part of me. Vulnerable because there was a moment during labor when I believed I couldn’t continue, I was spent, my baby wasn’t out yet, but I was done.

Yet, I also felt empowered. Empowered by a fertility dream I had shortly before I got pregnant. Empowered by going into labor early, on the exact date I saw in another dream before we even knew the baby’s gender. Empowered by my choice to pursue an unmedicated birth. Empowered by the books & friends’ testimonials telling me unmedicated birth is achievable. Empowered by the nurse honoring my request to postpone inserting my dreaded IV until we checked into a labor room where my husband could join me. Empowered by the nurse who saw me loose my shit over my first intense contraction and gave me a tough-love pep talk & the instructions necessary for me to maintain control over the next one. Empowered by my amazing husband holding my hands, counting my breathing & keeping my eyes locked onto his through each contraction ... for all 24hrs! Empowered by my doula (available only on video due to pandemic regulations) informing, supporting & encouraging my choices. Empowered by my intuition giving me hits of inspiration to make the right decisions (for me) in each moment throughout the process. Empowered by realizing which fear was hindering my progression in each phase & facing each one head-on to achieve progress without medical interventions. Empowered by the sense of a higher power when I reached that point of giving up, only to learn (to my nurse’s complete shock, after I’d taken an hour to rest) I’d already transitioned to the next phase and could finally start pushing. Empowered by feeling our baby’s head crowning & knowing I was actually doing this! Empowered by the look in my husband’s eyes full of awe, exhaustion & love. Empowered by feeling our baby come out, and looking into his big beautiful eyes & at his squished little nose that proved we did this together. Empowered by my new responsibility & the honor of becoming a Mom. Empowered by a greater love for my husband than I’ve ever felt for anyone ever. Empowered by surviving the most intense spiritual human experience of my life on my own terms, surrounded by the exact right people to get me through it & feeling it was all perfectly coordinated by a higher power.

Labor & Delivery, for me, was a lesson in acknowledging my fears & trusting my intuition. I am grateful for the experience.

If you are a woman considering unmedicated natural labor, it’s more of a mental than physical challenge. You can do this!

Photo: Labor yoga